


Honest Feelings and Bad Timing Make the Most Painful Combination

by KathPetrovaDiary



Series: Machine of Death - Formula 1 series [4]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Machine of Death, Sebastidan, heart condition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 02:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathPetrovaDiary/pseuds/KathPetrovaDiary
Summary: Daniel had always believed in the machine, had believed that every result it gave was correct. The stories in Perth had made sure of that.His belief had faltered the exact moment he received his very own and personal ending. Suicide.Sebastidan, set in the Machine of Death series.





	Honest Feelings and Bad Timing Make the Most Painful Combination

**Author's Note:**

> The machine had been invented a few years ago: a machine that could tell, from just a sample of your blood, how you were going to die. It didn’t give you the date and it didn’t give you specifics. It just spat out a sliver of paper upon which were printed, in careful block letters, the words DROWNED or CANCER or OLD AGE or CHOKED ON A HANDFUL OF POPCORN. It let people know how they were going to die.
> 
> Based on the book Machine of Death

Honest Feelings and Bad Timing Make the Most Painful Combination

Daniel had always believed in the machine, had believed that every result it gave was correct. The stories in Perth had made sure of that.   
His belief had faltered the exact moment he received his very own and personal ending. Suicide.  
Daniel couldn't think of a reason he'd ever end his own life. He had been the kid who'd always smiled, the teen who'd gotten into trouble everywhere he'd gone, he was Mister Big-Smile of the motorsport world. How could he ever come to a point he would take his own life?  
Since then he hadn't put any form of thrust in the outcomes of the machine. Daniel rolled his eyes when he saw another headline in the papers on a driver's result; speculations of when the fateful day would occur and if it'd be smart to keep them in the team. To him it was a lot of bullshit. None of his friends and colleagues had a death that could occur in the car so why try to figure out the date?   
Christian and Dietrich had decided to keep Daniel's faith a secret. The press would have a field-day with the information and they could already imagine the gossip emerging from the British reporters. The Australian had agreed with this method. Death was and forever will be something intimate. It's something you have to go through alone. If you want to or not. It's one of those journeys you're obliged to take and have to concur and he'd like to do it alone when the time was right.

When Daniel got his seat in Redbull he'd felt thrilled. He was finally in the big leagues and when his first win came not too much later Daniel felt the happiest man on earth. As he stood on that top step, his mind went to the white card. How he could ever come down from this high was a mystery to him.  
That Sunday turned out to be a day of many firsts. The celebration had gone on until early morning and even then no one had been very keen on the idea of going to their rooms. Neither had been his teammate.  
Sebastian hadn't left his side the whole evening and Daniel had been surprised realising it didn't bother him at all.   
As they held each other upright, bodies a mess of tangled limbs, they made their way into the hotel. Daniel had had too much, same for Sebastian that much was clear. Getting in the elevator and up to the correct floor had been quite a challenge but they probably wouldn't remember much of it the next day. The duo came to a halt at Daniel's door. The Australian tried to untie himself from his teammate to grab his keycard but Sebastian stopped him.  
Daniel, confusion present in his dark eyes, watched the German whose hand reached down the backpocket of the brunet's jeans to fish out the card that'd grant him access.  
As blue connected with brown something seemed to shift in both men. Sebastian bit his lower lip making Daniel gasp involuntarinly. To anyone watching from afar, it would have seemed like the two of them were in their own world. Only the small ping from the door unlocking shook them out of their reverie. Daniel stepped inside, fingers curling around Sebastian's hoodie.   
The blond looked down briefly at the hand, a smirk forming on his features. He let himself being pulled inside before kicking the door closed behind him.  
In an instant their lips crashed together in a hot, wet kiss. Teeth clashing in their hurry, hands searching for a steady hold on each other's chest.  
Sebastian bit down on Daniel's lower lip, pulling slowly. A moan escaped the Australian, who shivered in pleasure.   
Clothes were hurriedly discarded on the floor before they dropped down on the bed with a thud.

"No one's ever going to believe me," Daniel whispered indignantly. "I fucked a four-time world champion and I can't even brag about it."  
Laughter of the man laying next to him, filled his ears. It was the most beautiful sound Daniel had ever heard. "The press would enjoy that."  
Sebastian's gaze fell on his face, a grin plastered on his own. Daniel copied the expression, turning onto his side. He felt indulged in his teammate. His mind took in every little detail of Sebastian. As he came to think about it, he'd always done this. Ever since the day he had met the German.   
"What?" Sebastian asked with an amused frown.  
Daniel shook his head: "Nothing,"  
Silence fell over the room once again and Sebastian felt his face redden under the Australian's gaze. "Stop it!" He whined pulling the covers over his head.  
Daniel jerked them back down with a snort: "No, why should I?"  
"I look like shit." Sebastian said trying to pull the bedsheets out of the younger man's iron grip.  
"No," Daniel let go, his hand reaching out to lift up Sebastian's chin making him look him in the eyes. "You're perfect."

Daniel would never forget 5 July 2017. The day had started out like any other day at the track. He'd gone to Austria a bit earlier to do some press, since they were at the RedBull Ring after all.   
When Max arrived looking quite grim; he'd joked about it.  
"Missing mommy already?" The Dutchman didn't reply, didn't even muster a smile.   
"Did you check the news?" He asked, walking over to his teammate. Max placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. The Australian's grin fell as he shook his head firmly no. Max reached into his jacket, pulling out his phone. He covered his mouth as he searched for the right article.   
He gave his phone to Daniel.  
"Sebastian Vettel's long awaited result: heart condition."

"Why do I have to find out everything from the papers?!" Daniel threw the paper on Sebastian's lap whose head was printed on the first page. He'd gotten them as soon as Max had left him behind in the motorhome.  
"First that you're leaving for Ferrari. Now your fucking result?!"  
Sebastian rubbed his eyes, placing the newspaper on the table in front of him. "Dan, can't we do this elsewhere?" He was sitting in the middle of the Ferrari hospitality, waiting for RTL to do an interview with him. It wasn't the time for drama, but Daniel wasn't letting him get away with it.  
"I've asked you about your card and dropped it each time you said you weren't ready. I even told you mine against Christian's wishes because I trust you one hundred percent."  
Daniel's hand slammed onto the paper. "Clearly you don't feel the same."  
Sebastian took off his sunglasses, standing up to come face to face with the Australian. "I said: not now, Dan!"  
"You always say that?!" Daniel couldn't hold it in any longer as he screamed the sentence. Some people stopped in their tracks to watch what was going on, but after a look that could kill from both drivers they quickly moved on.  
"Why don't you trust me?" Daniel's anger left him, sadness replacing it.  
Sebastian couldn't bare to look his lover in the eye: "Ever thought of the fact that this means nothing to me?"  
Daniel's world crumbled. It felt as if he was falling in a dark abyss with no way to get out. "Don’t lie to me. Please, Seb… Don't say that, please."  
Sebastian's gaze landed on Daniel again. Blue eyes cold as ice.   
"We're done."

The Austrain GP had gone great for Daniel. He stood once again on the podium, next to the person who meant the world to him and a fellow mate. As they sprayed champagne he couldn't help but slightly avoid Sebastian, meaning Valtteri got the full blow. Not that the Finn seemed to mind as he celebrated his victory. After making the acquired group photo, Daniel felt a tug at his overalls. Sebastian was next to him, looking uneasy. "I need to talk to you, somewhere private."  
Daniel's anger was still coursing through his veins. They hadn't spoken since the German had called it off, but worry was taking over as he noticed how ashen the blond looked. "Yeah... Of course."  
A half-smile found its way onto Sebastian's face. Something resembling hope in his eyes. Daniel's heart involuntarinly made a jump. He'd forever be weak when it came to Sebastian.

The press conference passed the way it usually did. A lot of the same questions and same dull answers, but Daniel couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with the Ferrari driver sitting on the other side of Valtteri. He was quiet, answering in short sentences and drinking as much of the provided water as possible. The moment the camera's turned off the German disappeared. Daniel rushed after him, but lost him in the crowd that'd formed in the paddock.

It was late when Daniel found himself in front of Sebastian's hotel room, fist hanging in the air as he decided if he should knock or not. He still hadn't spoken to him, had been busy with the press and his team. Maybe Sebastian had made up his mind, regretted asking to see him in private.  
Those thoughts were blown out of the water as the door flew open revealing a dishelved Sebastian. "Come here and shut up!"  
He pulled in Daniel by his shirt, lips crashing onto his in an instant. The Australian was surprised to say the least but only for a moment as relief dawned over him. He hadn't lost Sebastian. He hoped he would never have to feel like he had before again, feel like he was dying. Daniel smiled to himself as he hovered over the blond whose eyes were full of passion and love. No, he wasn't going to lose Sebastian.

"I'm sorry." Daniel glanced to his right. "I was cruel and I didn't mean a word of what I said. I didn't want to make it public, but Antti thought it was a good idea. I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to burden you, Dan."  
Daniel turned on his side, taking Sebastian's hand in his. "Listen to me. You're never going to be a burden to me. Being without you has become impossible for me."  
"But I-I," Sebastian closed his eyes taking a deep breath. "But I'm broken."  
Daniel's hand moved up Sebastian's chest before resting on his cheek.   
"No, you're perfect.” He brought him closer, placing a soft but meaninful kiss on his lip. "And I love you, Seb."

Daniel was pacing impatiently in front of the Ferrari hospitality. He had to see Sebastian. Pierre had told him something rather incredulous but he needed confirmation.   
"You asked for me?" The familiar voice made him halt in his tracks. Sebastian came out of the building, water bottle in hand, sunglasses on his nose. He looked amazing and Daniel was speechless for a moment.  
"Uhm yes," He shook his head to regain focus. "There's a rumor going that you don't take your meds... Is it true?"   
A sigh escaped the German as he took off his glasses. "Come with me."  
Daniel obeyed following Sebastian between Ferrari trucks, away from curious viewers. "Look," He began, but it was enough for Daniel to know it was true.  
"You don't take them." He interrupted feeling as if the world fell from underneath him. "Do you know how stupid you are not taking them?!"  
"I know, I know! But they take away from my performance. Honestly, the only days I don't take them is on race days. I promise."  
Sebastian reached out to grab Daniel's hand but the RedBull driver took a step back. His hand hovered mid-air for a second before he clenched it into a fist.  
"Dan, I need the best of my abilities if I want to beat Lewis, you know that."  
"Yeah, I do. I just thought life and us was more important to you than a trophy." Daniel said before turning his back to the blond and walking away. He'd heard enough.

That night Sebastian had stood in front of his door. As always they made up, had sex, apologized for being idiots and new promises, that would be broken later, were made.

Mexico arrived and Sebastian was getting worse with the day. After losing so many chances in so many races he'd decided to flush his pills down the toilet. He hated he had to lie to Daniel, but he needed this championship and he could only do it without those pills.  
"Good luck, babe." Daniel pulled him out of his thoughts as he placed a small kiss on his cheek. "Take that bull by the horns!"  
Sebastian couldn't help but laugh. If only he had that much optimism.

The championship was over. He'd lost after such a big lead. Sebastian was sitting on his bed. Realisation had hit him and it’d him hard. A knock sounded on the door before it opened. “Babe?”  
Daniel reacted immediately when the sob racked Sebastian’s body. He wrapped his arms around him tightly. “I screwed up, Dan. It’s my fault.”  
The words turned into German but Daniel still comforted his lover.   
Spoke soft words in hushed tones. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be fine… I swear.”

Daniel was fixing his tie in front of the mirror, while he kept an eye on Sebastian who was cleaning himself up in the bathroom. Abu Dhabi had been rather boring for both, but they had to attend the afterparty if they wanted to or not.   
Despite all the misery and lost opportunities they got their happy ending. Unfortunately faith had sometimes a funny way of showing its head.  
“Isn’t a tie a bit too much?” Daniel yelled as he tried to fix the mess.  
A bwoah came from the bathroom seconds before Sebastian entered the bedroom. He leaned against the doorframe, hands in the pockets of his tux.   
“Some drivers are retiring and it’s a chic place, so no you’re fine.”  
Daniel glanced at his man who looked handsome as ever.   
“You lost the championship, RB13 was shit half the time, the gossip was a mess, we lost friends to retirement and we had the famous Baku scandal.”   
Sebastian chuckled: “Tell me something I don’t know.”  
Rolling his eyes Daniel spoke again: “Let me finish. We’ve had so much shit this year and we got through it together. I’ve never been happier and it’s all thanks to you.” He walked over to Sebastian giving him a firm kiss. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
Daniel returned to the mirror, talking a bit more about some jokes Max had told him throughout the weekend and how the kid had been suspicious of them ever since he drove for Toro Rosso, when a shadow in the mirror caught his eye.   
“Babe, you okay?” He asked, a soft thud coming from behind.  
When it remained silent, Daniel turned around.   
“Seb?”

Daniel didn’t know how long he’d sat there holding Sebastian’s lifeless body, sobbing into his shoulder, but when Antti – who he’d called - finally arrived he knew it was too late. He was gone and never coming back. He’d lost Sebastian for good now.

Daniel had always believed in the machine, had believed that every result it gave was correct. The stories in Perth had made sure of that as a kid. Sebastian’s death had made sure of that as an adult.  
As he stood on the edge of the Sheikh Zayed Bridge, Daniel knew the machine had always been and would always be correct. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. A comment or kudos are always welcome <3


End file.
